As a parent I believe you have to forgive and forget kids’ mistakes. Especially as they grow and change as teenagers. Don't get me wrong, there must be an appropriate consequence but I try my hardest to move on and give them another chance. But this event shook me up and I have to admit, I am struggling to keep my sense of humor.
It started last night when I asked my 19-year-old to please be home at 9am (don't take off to surf all day) and hang out for an hour. I needed him to wait for the installation guy, who gave me a window of 9-1pm, because no one else over 18 was available. He agreed; “no problem, Mom”. I said, I trust you to stick to this plan, I've been waiting for this guy for 3 weeks and we don't want to miss him. I let him know I had job interview and I'll be back at 10:00am. I know it sounds like silly details but these were the facts that became an explosive argument.
I’m in my interview and I get a text “MOM!!”, “OIL LEAK IS BAD”. Wow, I can't go one hour without drama from this kid.... On the way home I call him, about 9:45am.
Me: What’s going on? K: It’s not the oil, I took it back to Jiffy Lube and they left out the Trans dip stick so it leaked Trans fluid. I can still drive to CO tomorrow. Me: Where are you? K: At Jiffy Lube Me: You were supposed to be home waiting for the installer K: What’s the big deal you said he would be there from 9-1pm I’ll be back, Me; But what if he’s there now? I drove up to our place and the garage is open, door to the house is open and front door open. I got a little nervous someone was in the house already. My son pulls up right behind me. Me: How long has the house been open? K: About 15 minutes… maybe 20 Me: Why couldn’t you have waited, why did you leave and not close up the house and you knew workers were coming (ok I lost it a little and I was very loud) K: You’re crazy, what is wrong with you, it’s no big deal they didn’t come yet. Me: How do you know? I asked for one hour of responsibility just 1 hour and you couldn’t do it and instead of apologizing you are full of terrible teen logic and disrespectful behavior. This is the kind of stupidity that will get you fired from every job you have. I tried to keep my cool, really I did, but I was at the end of my patience.
I wanted him to admit he messed up and could have waited to go to jiffy lube and he should have closed up the house. But he refused. I said if I was your dad you would have a kick in the ass by now for this stupid behavior. This quickly escalated to him telling me what a terrible mother I am because I have never believed in him and I have never supported him or rewarded the good things he does. I just had to laugh, I can’t be mom and dad to him all the time but at this point I just pulled back and just smiled and said you have a lot of growing up to do. He lost it, shoved a chair over, came at me with clenched fists and I just stood there trying to look tough and he turned and put his fit through the wall. He was not calming down and was looking for something else to hit or break. This is not the first time, it’s almost a weekly explosion with him but I told him if he ever put his fist in the wall again or scared me I would call the cops.
So I did, while on the phone with 911, he continued to call me crazy and lots of other names. But he finally took me seriously and calmed down. While waiting for the cops he tried to repair the wall. He soon learned I could have him arrested for vandalism especially with his history but I couldn’t do it. I had the cops ask him to leave and not come back. He packed his stuff and left for Colorado to be with his father. It didn’t have to be this way; I am left feeling lost. I wanted him to go on this adventure happily but he stuck with is MO of burning bridges behind him. I can forgive but I’m not going to forget this tragic goodbye from my first born son. |
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March 2017
AuthorMaxine Manz |